The Universe (God, Spirit, whatever you believe) is always in communication with us. Spirit is always sending us the lessons we need to learn. Unfortunately, we’re often too caught up in our own drama, anxieties, and fears to recognize any it.
Our spiritual work is to clear the senseless clutter from our minds so that we’re better able to recognize and receive the divine lessons coming our way. As a naturally high strung, active-imagination-type-of-gal, this has been hard work for me. Hard, yet the most fulfilling, awesome work of my life. That’s why when people tell me, “I can’t clear my mind to meditate!” I say, “Me neither! That’s the practice. Keep doing it.”
Anyway, I had an insanely cool, synchronistic experience the other day that strengthened my faith in a higher power. I recognized the communication I was receiving and it really moved me!
I feel guilty for feeling… good?
This past Sunday, I had a rare day all to myself. I was so excited to just enjoy my own company and create. From the time I woke up until about 5 p.m., I created content. I wrote blog posts, created my email series. It was raining, I had a candle burning, a hot cup of coffee. I was genuinely happy and at peace.
Creating makes me feel good, so for hours, I stayed in a state of flow where I was completely unconcerned with time or the outside world. But when I looked up at the clock and noticed it was 5:00, my stomach churned. I was suddenly overcome with guilt. Negative thoughts started whirling in my head, ‘How could you have only focused on yourself all day? Look at the tasks around the house you should’ve done. How selfish of you!‘
I quickly got off the couch and started washing the dishes that had piled up in the sink. I took the clothes out of the dryer. I made the bed. I felt a little better, but couldn’t shake the guilt that had consumed me. Why do I feel so guilty? I wondered.
Then I remembered something I’d heard from Brené Brown – that actually allowing ourselves to feel joy is one of the most vulnerable things we can do. When we feel joy, we often try to quickly find something that’s wrong because we’re afraid if we feel too good, it could be taken from us.
My feelings of guilt told me that not only was I afraid of feeling joyful, I didn’t feel like I deserved it.
Since becoming devoted to my spiritual growth, I sort of nerd out when I notice myself feeling resistant to something because it alerts me to an area of myself that needs healing. Recognizing that I felt guilty for feeling joyful showed me the opportunity to heal my feeling of “not being deserving”.
I turned to EFT tapping to begin healing myself.
My preferred method of self-healing lately has been through a psychological acupressure technique called emotional freedom technique (EFT), often referred to simply as “tapping”. The practice of EFT tapping consists of stimulating certain meridian points on the upper body by tapping on them with your fingertips.
Gabby Bernstein explains tapping simply on her blog.
The goal of EFT is to balance disturbances in your energy field. More than 5,000 years ago the Chinese recognized a series of energy circuits that run through the body. They called these circuits meridians, and today this concept is the basis for acupuncture and acupressure healing.
When you tap on specific energy meridians found on your face, head, arm and chest, you can release old fears, limiting beliefs, negative patterns and even physical pain. While you tap you talk out loud about the issue you are working to heal. Allowing yourself to emote while simultaneously tapping on the energy points sends a signal to the brain that it’s safe to relax. Our fear response, which is controlled by the amygdala, is lessened.
Gabby Bernstein, EFT for Anxiety and Stress: Guided Tapping Video.
Tapping has become a tool I turn to daily. There are thousands of Youtube videos to follow along to, so it’s a great resource when you’re feeling low. It’s been powerful in helping me release old fears and anxiety.
Anyway, the next morning, I still couldn’t shake my feelings of guilt. So I turned to my favorite EFT teacher on Youtube and did an 8-minute tapping video to help me feel more deserving.
I am deserving.
I felt a buzz after completing my tapping video. I was committed to healing this part of myself, so later that morning, I wrote in my planner, “Remember I am deserving” as one of my priorities for the week. Like I said, if I find an area of myself that needs healing, I set to work right away!
That afternoon, we had a raffle at work. Your typical Monday at Vans! I tend to get lucky when it comes to raffles, so I had a feeling I might win. But each of us received one ticket to enter in, so my chance truly was as good as the 200+ other people who’d entered.
They called name after name, none of them mine. When there were only skateboard decks left to win, I tuned out and started chatting with my girlfriend. Suddenly, they said, “Wait, there’s one more! We have a surprise surfboard!” When I heard them fumbling to say my name, my ears perked up. ‘Wait, what?! I won a surfboard!’
In a rush, I ran to the front to claim my prize. I was giddy! I could seriously feel the magic of the Universe right then and there. I laughed to myself and shook my head. ‘This always happens!‘ I thought.
As I walked back to my desk, though, that familiar feeling came back. That feeling of guilt. Ugh! There it was again. ‘You don’t even surf, Alissa. You shouldn’t keep that board. You should give it away. That’s really selfish if you keep it.‘ The thoughts flooded me and I couldn’t help but feel ashamed for winning. There were so many other people who were deserving of this prize.
Then, it hit me. It was as plain as day. The Universe was in communication with me right now. I’d made a pact with myself just that morning to remember that I’m deserving! The Universe had heard me and sent me a lesson soon after to literally show me that I am indeed deserving. Why not me? Why wouldn’t I deserve joy? Why should I feel guilty for good things coming to me?
It took some time for me to feel accepting of the fact that I’m deserving of all the good things. I’m still working on it, if I’m being honest. But this message from Gabby Bernstein really helped me. “I began to accept that I deserve all of the goodness of the Universe to come to me – and the more I receive, the more I can share.”
For the record, the surfboard will be put to good use! Matt grew up surfing nearly every day and it’s been on my bucket list to learn how to do it. Now, I have no reason not to try!
I wanted to share this miracle as a reminder that the Universe, God, Spirit, whatever your belief – it always listening, watching, and supporting you. You just have to be open, available, and ready to receive the message.
With love,
Alissa
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