AlissaAre you a thermometer or a thermostat? In other words… do you take the temperature of the room or do you set the temperature of the room?
When I heard Rachel Hollis say this on a podcast last year, I realized, ‘Crap! I am a total thermometer!’
An empath through and through, I’d historically walk into a room, notice the energy, and automatically shift my own feelings to match how others were feeling. Basically, I’m a chameleon. And don’t get me wrong, I like my ability to chameleon myself. This natural skill comes in handy greatly in social settings.
For example, if I’m with a group of people, I know how to match the energy of others so I’m able to fit in with the group. Within moments of meeting someone new, I can sense the way I need to show up in order to make them feel comfortable with me. I know how to nod my head at the right times and smile when someone needs it. I’ve been told I have a way of making others feel open to sharing with me; nonjudged; accepted for who they are.
These are my superpowers as an empath. If you identify as an empath, too, then I venture to believe you have these same skills. It’s emotional intelligence and it’s important. In fact, it’s becoming a really popular focus in the workplace. And empaths, you already have a leg up on sensing nonverbal cues. Bravo!
Here’s the “problem” with chameleoning yourself, though. With being a “thermometer”. It leaves you susceptible to picking up on negative energy, right? Since we have the ability to feel, match, and adjust ourselves based on others… this can become a problem when the people around us are low vibe. It basically leaves our feelings to the mercy of others.
How do we stop picking up the negative vibes?
Alright, I have a bone to pick. I follow a lot of different social media accounts for empaths and highly sensitive people. While they share helpful tips, I often feel like they perpetuate this story of empaths being victims. Like, as if we’re people who need really soft cushioning around us at all times.
I, for one, am not a soft, squishy sponge who just picks up other people’s feelings and forgets her own. I’m a powerful, intuitive, sensitive woman who’s got a knack for picking up on the energy of others. I just, sometimes… struggle… with recognizing which feelings belong to others and which feelings belong to me. We can work with this, though.
If you want to stop picking up on everyone else’s negative vibes, start with these steps.
Step one: Please don’t view yourself as a victim. You are what you believe you are. If you believe you have no control over the way you feel and how you pick up other people’s energy, then it’s the truth. If you believe your ability to sense energies and chameleon yourself is an intuitive gift, then that’s your truth.
Step two: Have a strong sense of self. What I mean by this is: get to know who you are at your core through self-reflection. Take time to journal each day to get acquainted with this soul inside of you. What lights you up? What type of person do you want to be in the world? While all human beings are connected; get really familiar with who you are. Fall in love with the being that you are.
Step three: Build your self-confidence. We’ll be able to master our strong sense of self when we have confidence in who we are. I’ve written two blog posts about confidence-building and I promise there’ll be more to come. Check out the blog posts here and here. Also, give these confidence-boosting journal prompts a try!
Step four: Decide what type of energy you’re going to bring into the room. When you’re confident, self-assured, and not in a victim-mentality, it becomes easier to understand that you have the ability to choose the energy you’re bringing with you. Meaning, you can be more of a thermostat instead of a thermometer.
How do we do this? By being intentional. Before you have a social engagement, Zoom call, or meeting with someone who often triggers you, set your intention for the type of energy you’re going to bring with you. I recommend getting quiet and visualizing yourself bringing confidence, self-assurance, and good feelings to the situation.
Another thing you can do? Set an energetic boundary around yourself. After you picture yourself bringing those good vibes along with you, envision an energy barrier wrapped all around you. It’s a powerful, magical barrier that holds all of your goodness inside of you. Any time negative vibes try to penetrate that barrier, they bounce right off of you because you’ve set the intention to keep it high vibe.
How can we recover when we’re feeling totally drained?
So, we can do all of these things and still feel really triggered, drained, and exhausted by some people after spending too much time around them. This happens!
When you feel yourself getting to a point of overwhelm, step away if you’re able. If you can’t leave the situation; take a quick bathroom break or duck outside for a moment. Breathe, reconnect to your energy barrier, and ground yourself back into your power.
After especially draining situations, I’d highly recommend practicing a cord cutting meditation. I really like this one on Insight Timer, but there are many good ones out there! With cord cutting meditations, you’ll envision yourself cutting energetic cords from other people. It’s powerful, freeing, and so relaxing.
Since empaths naturally pick up on the energy of others, we typically need time alone to re-energize after social situations. Make sure you allow yourself that time. It certainly doesn’t mean you’re weak or a victim if you need time to recuperate. It means you love yourself and you’re just recharging your power.
As Jill Bolte Taylor has famously said,
Please be responsible for the energy you bring into this space.
Empaths, while we can’t control the energy that others bring into a space, we can control the energy we bring. And we can control the way we pick up or don’t pick up their energy. While we have a knack for sensing energy, we can choose the way we use this gift.
Just remember that you are what you believe. If you believe you’re a powerful, intuitive, sensitive person; you are.
With love,
Alissa
PS – if you’re an empath or highly sensitive person, come join us in my private FB group, the Highly Sensitive Glow Co!
