Alissa“I’ll be happy when I lose 10 more pounds. Then I’ll feel good about my body.”
“I’ll be happy when he finally proposes to me. Then I’ll know he really loves me.”
“I’ll be happy when I get that promotion at work. I’ll feel secure once I’m making more money.”
It’s the age old mindset: “I’ll be happy when [insert goal/accomplishment/external object].”
Wishing Away Our Lives
I don’t think we realize how often we’re thinking this way and like, holding our happiness hostage. It can even be as small as thinking — Once I get my to-do list done, then I’ll feel better. Or, I can’t wait for this day to be over so I can just go home and relax. Which, I think these things to myself all the time.
But, the majority of our life is spent between the milestones and accomplishments. If you can only feel happy when you’re getting exactly what you want or when you’ve reached that destination; you aren’t enjoying the ride along the way.
I’m not suggesting you need to love running errands or paying bills, but think about how much time we’ll spend doing those things in our lifetime. It’s part of the deal. If we’re constantly trying to speed through the mundane to get to the more exciting, we’re wishing for our life to pass quicker and we’re missing what’s great right now.
Maybe you’re picking up groceries for your family. What’s great about that? How about the fact that you can afford to buy groceries or that you have a family to provide for? Remember how you used to dream of being married and having children?
Imagine you’re taking a cruise from Florida to the Bahamas. You’re so excited to get to the Bahamas that it’s all you can focus on. On the cruise ship, your friends go out dancing one night and ask you to come along. “Nah, I’m gonna wait ’til we get to the Bahamas.” The next day, they ask you to come up to the deck to see the dolphins jumping. “Eh, I’ll wait ’til the Bahamas. I bet we’ll see more cool stuff there.”
When you finally arrive to the Bahamas, it’s absolutely beautiful. But you only get to stay for a few days. When it’s time to head home, you start feeling depressed because it went by so quickly. You don’t want to go back to your normal, boring life. You’re certain you won’t feel happy again until you get that next trip booked.
This might be a silly example, but it totally parallels to real life. How many times are we just waiting for what we think is going to be the best part? How much are we missing because we’ve got our blinders on?
And how many times have you gotten that thing you were so sure was going to bring you happiness; only to find, it didn’t?
When You Thought It’d Bring You Happiness, But It Didn’t.
Let’s say you finally got that new manager position you’ve been dreaming of. This job promises a $20,000 raise, better benefits, more notoriety. Finally, life begins.
You buy that handbag you’ve been eyeing for months. You treat yourself to a spa day. You start looking into buying a new car. You go out for a celebratory dinner with your family. “Get whatever you want on the menu”, you tell them, “because I got a raise!”
For those first few weeks, you feel like you’re on top of the world.
A few months pass and the shiny newness of the role starts to wear off. You’ve got so much more responsibility than ever before. Managing people is harder than you thought it’d be. Your hours are longer. And, $20,000 extra per year isn’t going as far as you thought it would. Probably because you started buying fancier things.
Already, you set your sights on your next goal. Okay, maybe I just need to work for a different company. Carol always seems so happy and she drives a BMW so they must pay well! Maybe she can get me in at her company.
With this mindset, you’ll never find true fulfillment.
When you live your life thinking “I’ll be happy when” — you’re relying on external factors to secure your happiness. A new house, a better job, a fresh city, more money, a nicer body, a nose job, a fancier car. It’s always… that next thing. And then the next, and the next, and the next. It’ll never be enough because there’s always that shinier next goal to reach.
For the record, I’m not suggesting that we shouldn’t have goals and shouldn’t want for more. To strive for more is healthy, it helps us grow. What I am suggesting is that you don’t place your happiness in the hands of achieving more and having more. It’s gotta come from within.
How Can We Find Happiness Contentment Every Day?
For one, happiness isn’t a constant state. I think we’re often under the impression that we’ll one day reach this state of continuous bliss and happiness. Like, we’ll finally crack the code and always feel amazing. While that sounds lovely, it’s not totally realistic.
Instead, my focus has shifted to — how can I find contentment every day? How can I feel more peace, satisfaction, and ease in my life?
The answer is simple. Gratitude. And I mean gratitude for the most simple, basic things in our lives.
Steve Chandler, an author, public speaker, and personal success coach for over 20 years, was interviewed by Ashley Stahl on her podcast, You Turn Podcast. I loved what he had to say about the topic of gratitude and finding happiness within.
In the section below, I’ve paraphrased what he had to say.
The Impact of Gratitude in Our Lives – Steve Chandler’s Thoughts
Steve says, “We often fill our gratitude journals with things we’re grateful for that are outside of us. If you look at any person’s gratitude list, most of the things on that list are things that they have. Their job, their house.”
“We forget to have gratitude for simply being alive,” he says. “For being healthy. For having family and friends who love us. We often only feel happy when things are going our way. When we get what we want — the house, the job, our sports team winning the game.”
“When you acknowledge the things you have right now; your internal qualities — it changes the way your life feels. When you’re aware of and acknowledging the good things you have within you, all the time, you bring that with you everywhere despite if things aren’t going your way.”
“If you’re only focused on external things making you happy,” Steve explains, “And things don’t go your way for a while, your happiness shrinks along with that. Your gratitude list gets smaller.”
“Understanding that your life is a blessing and happiness is within you, is something you can always bring everywhere.”
Steve Chandler, You Turn Podcast.
Is that powerful or what?! I just loved it. When you’re simply grateful for the miracle of being alive, you bring that peace and gratitude with you everywhere in life. And then, regardless of what happens, you have contentment within that is unshakeable because it doesn’t require anything external to exist. It just is.
With love,
Alissa
