AlissaSan tam oh! I chanted Sunday morning while clapping my hands over my head and squatting in Archer (Warrior One) pose. If you didn’t know what you were looking at, you may have been concerned. But if you know, you know. I was taking my first kundalini yoga class.
When I’d first walked into the room and rolled out my yoga mat, the teacher smiled at me. “Have you done kundalini before?”
“Nope!” I told her. I’d researched it a bit before, so I knew that I wasn’t walking into a normal yoga class, but I still didn’t know quite what to expect.
“Ooooh! This makes me so happy. I’m so excited. Well, we’ll be doing some chanting and breath work. It’s a little weird but just go with it!” she responded.
I like weird. “Sounds good!” I replied.
I left the class buzzing, feeling really good. Then proceeded to drive to Trader Joe’s to load up on all the cheese, chip dips, and alcohol to enjoy football Sunday with Matt.
My point of this little glimpse into my Sunday is this: there’s no one right way to be. I love being open to different spiritual practices; I love meditating, reading self-help books, and burning incense. I also love watching 90 Day Fiance, drinking wine, and eating cheese.
I enjoy being a person with different interests that totally don’t overlap, but totally make me, me. I think sometimes we get caught up identifying with just one thing that we ignore the other parts of ourselves because they don’t quite jive with this identity we’ve chosen.
I guess I just feel like it’s so individual, what’s right for each of us. If I’d chosen to identify only with a yogi, spiritual life, that may mean I won’t drink alcohol, waste my time with reality TV, eat animal products. That would be fine, but that just doesn’t resonate with me. I like all of these things, so I do all of them. I choose not to be boxed in; I don’t think life is black and white.
I also think, actually know, that we like to box people into one identity, too. We can be dogmatic about things; not open to different ways of being, thinking, living life. I’m no angel, I’ve totally judged and because of that, I’d like to shed some light on the idea of being open vs. being dogmatic.
You Can Be a Glam Queen, Au Natural, or Somewhere In Between
A few months ago, I was out for drinks with girlfriends in Portland, Oregon. We were eating chips and salsa, sipping margs, when this man started talking to my girlfriends and I about his daughter who was about our age.
“She doesn’t like to wear makeup,” he said.
“And I think it’s great,” he continued. “Don’t you, as women, feel it’s unfair that you’re like, expected to wear makeup?”
I’ll be honest, this annoyed me. I think he meant well, but please don’t assume I feel one way or the other.
So, without skipping a beat, I was like, “I like wearing makeup but I wear it when I want. I go to the grocery store without makeup all the time but I also genuinely enjoy getting girly and dressed up. For me, that’s one of the joys of being a woman.”
My girlfriend Meg, who’s naturally beautiful and prefers less makeup, said something like, “I don’t feel obligated to wear a bunch of makeup, so I don’t.”
Some women like spending their money on clothes and makeup. They love watching makeup tutorials on Youtube and saving their paycheck for the next Gucci bag. Other women may enjoy spending their money on vacations or boutique exercise classes or organic food.
There’s no one right way to be a woman, or a human being, for that matter.
You can wear makeup or not. You can choose to have children or not. You can choose to get married or not. You can settle down and buy a home or be a nomad for the rest of your life.
There’s no “one size fits all” recipe for life that everyone must follow.
What’s a “Normal” Timeline? Let’s Rewrite the Script
I grew up in a small town in Minnesota. In the Midwest, things happen a little differently than they do on the coasts. There, it’s common to be married in your twenties. By the time you’re 30, most people own a home and have at least one or two babies
I’m not saying that’s the case for everyone, but I think it’s safe to say it’s a common path to follow.
Everyone’s path is different. I moved to California when I was 22 and literally had no idea what my life was going to look like. Am I going to live here forever? Am I going to make friends? Sure, I hoped and assumed I’d meet the man I’m meant to marry here, but it wasn’t top of mind. I just wanted to experience a new adventure.
Now, here I am. I’m 27-years-old, I own a home, I’m engaged to be married. In California, I’m almost a little “young” for this settled down life I’ve got. I mean, seriously, a lot of people my age are still partying it up, traveling the world, focusing on their careers. And out here, it’s super common to see people single well into their 30s. Happily single, I might add.
A lot of people roll their eyes at California. La-La Land. Living in a bubble. Out of touch.
I’m guilty of saying all those things, but I’ve gotta give it to ’em, one of the most beautiful things about this place is that no one is concerned by some made up timeline. People don’t believe that you must be married with kids and own a home by the time you’re 30. You do you. Travel if you want, get married if you want, crush it in your career. Do all three if you choose!
My point is, again, there’s no one “right” way to be. My friends who are single in their 30s are having the time of their lives. They’re at a point where they can afford to travel and have a nice home; they get to be “selfish” with their time and money because they don’t have others relying on them.
On the flip side, my friends who are married with babies are experiencing an incredible time in their lives. They’re experiencing motherhood and the amazing gift of having another human rely on you so heavily and love you so much.
No one is right. It’s a choice. There are 7 billion people in this world. Can you imagine if we all just followed the same timeline? Boring. Robotic. Way too simplistic.
Life plays out for each individual person the way it’s meant to.
If you ever worry that you’re doing it wrong or you’re feeling behind, remember that your path is perfect for you. Don’t force anything just to feel validated to be at the same point in the process as someone else.
And to that point, don’t judge people who are choosing to live their life differently than you.
Open Your Mind to New Possibilities
When you surround yourself only with people who are exactly like you, think of what that does to your view of the world. It’s a very single dimension way of living. By only being around people who think the same way as you do, you’re missing out on different points of view, added depth.
Instead of being judgmental of people who are different from us; instead of being so sure our way is the only way, maybe we can instead look on with compassion and understanding. Maybe we can learn something from someone who lives differently than we do.
- The 25-year-old stay-at-home-mom with two kids: Who’s to say she feels trapped? Maybe being a mom feels like her calling in life and it makes her really happy to be home with her children.
- The 34-year-old woman who’s backpacking across Europe on her own: Who’s to say her clock is ticking? Maybe she finds her fulfillment through travel and doesn’t want kids right now.
- The 62-year-old man who retired from his full-time job to open a cafe: Who’s to say he’s too old to start? Maybe this is a dream he’s always had, that he’s finally found the courage to follow.
- The 40-year-old man who goes hunting on the weekends and also practices yoga: Who’s to say you have to choose one? You can be a “manly man” and also do things that are good for your body.
I think you get my point.
Only an open heart will allow you to float equally between everyone.
Tuesdays with Morrie, Mitch Albom.
With love,
Alissa
