AlissaBefore I moved to California, I was put off by the whole woo-woo “hippie” lifestyle. Meditating? Eating kale? Natural deodorant? Umm, that’s weird.
Back then if you’d told me I’d become a daily meditator who smudges her house with sage from time to time, I would’ve laughed. Crap, California did get me!
It’s amazing how your mindset evolves when you’re exposed to other ways of life. My judgments were wrong. It turns out what I once thought was “weird” was actually exactly what my anxious self needed.
That being said, when I’d take trips back to Minnesota, I felt a little self-conscious about my new interests. Are people going to think I’m weird now? Will they think I’ve changed?
Whether anyone thought that or not, isn’t my business. While I bring my new interests and mindset on trips home with me, I also pick up where I left off. Being back with old friends in familiar places lovingly reminds me of the girl I was before I moved away. It brings me back to my roots and I happily embrace the down-to-earth Minnesota girl inside of me.
Minnesota and California’s influences makes me feel the most, me. Enjoying these different facets of myself on a recent trip home got me thinking of the importance of balance in all aspects of our lives.
Balancing Health and Indulgence
So, while I’m into living a healthy life, if you think for one minute I’m going to take a trip to Minnesota without eating cheese curds and my favorite nachos– you’re mistaken, my friend!
I want to say “the rules don’t apply” when I go back, but I don’t believe in living a life filled with a bunch of rules and restrictions.
On that note, before I dive into the rest of this section, I want to share Gretchen Rubin’s idea of moderators and abstainers.
You’re a moderator if you…
https://gretchenrubin.com/2012/10/back-by-popular-demand-are-you-an-abstainer-or-a-moderator/
– find that occasional indulgence heightens your pleasure–and strengthens your resolve
– get panicky at the thought of “never” getting or doing something
You’re an abstainer if you…
– have trouble stopping something once you’ve started
– aren’t tempted by things that you’ve decided are off-limits
Moderators do better when they’re able to avoid strict rules and absolutes. Abstainers have an easier time avoiding altogether than indulging moderately.
I’m a moderator so I thrive off flexibility. If you’re an abstainer, these blurred lines may feel confusing. I’m only sharing from my point of view, so what works for you may look different!
The whole me, the true Alissa is a girl who loves red wine, chip dip, and lazy days on the couch, just as much as I love yoga, green tea, and a good bibimbap bowl. I like to binge on Vanderpump Rules and read self-development books. I won’t turn down the occasional Taco Bell, but I also take a daily probiotic.
You get the idea. I’ve just always felt that it’s better for my mental well-being when I allow myself to indulge and enjoy rather than restrict. Just because I’m into wellness doesn’t mean it needs to be my entire identity.
For me, a huge part of wellness is having a healthy relationship with food. I’ll share a full post about this another time but I believe food is nourishment and fuel as much as it’s joy and comfort. I don’t even like using the phrase “meal prep” for making my food ahead of time because it feels so sterile. Food to me equals connection, love, memories, joy, fuel, comfort.
Trust me, I understand if you’re training for a competition or trying to a hit a goal; then you must be strict with your health. Or if you’re an “abstainer”, being stricter is probably the way to go. And I definitely can relate if you’re on a restricted diet to heal your body– been there, done that! But in the normal, day-to-day, my view is to let it be enjoyable. Look for balance where you can.
Balancing Socialization and Solitude
I’m an introvert so I love alone time. It’s my way to recharge. A Friday night cozied up with a good book and a glass of wine? Nothing better! An entire Saturday to myself? Gold. I’m so happy to get lost in my own little world.
Since retreating is where I’m most comfortable, I have a tendency to want to be a hermit instead of socialize. Working on my blog or reading a book is often way more appealing than a night out on the town. Ugh, I don’t want to talk to people I don’t know!
Eventually, though, too much time alone isn’t good for me. It’s all about balance, right? Being alone for too long takes a toll on my mental health; I often start to overthink and feel down. Human beings are naturally social beings; we literally need connection.
Thankfully, I’m dating someone who’s quite extroverted. He enjoys chill nights too, but is good at getting me pumped up to go do something fun. He helps provide the balance I need. And usually, I’m actually happy after going out and socializing. Laughing and connecting with other people fuels me in a way my alone time can’t.
Of course, the amount of time needed for socialization depends on the person. Since I’m more introverted, I need a lot more alone time than an extrovert. Whatever this looks like for you; having your own balance of solitude and socialization is important to keeping yourself feeling happy and energized.
Balancing Relationship and Friendships
On that note, balancing my relationship and friendships is a must. I’m cognizant of this because I’ve seen one too many people lose themselves in a relationship. It’s so easy to get caught up when you’re dating someone; you’re excited, you’re in love, you want to spend every waking minute with them.
Resist the urge, my friends. Part of having a healthy, balanced relationship is having your own life outside of the relationship. It keeps you grounded; it keeps the relationship fresh. If you’re putting all your eggs in one basket, you’re relying on one person to fulfill every aspect of your life. Do you know how exhausting that is?
We need groups, communities, and circles of friendship; although you might have found “your person”, no one other person can be everything to another person. In fact, being solely reliant on someone else– husband, wife, partner, lover, confidant, whomever– is not only a big ask, but it puts massive stress on the relationship. It puts dangerously high expectation on both parties and it’s almost guaranteed that someone is going to be let down, pushed away, or both.
Lori Harder, “A Tribe Called Bliss”.
Look, I’m all about being best friends with your partner. Matt is my best friend! But I can’t imagine talking to him about half the things I talk to my girlfriends about. His eyes would glaze over. Plus, I want to spend time with my girlfriends! We’re tight for a reason. They keep me grounded; they inspire me, encourage me, and always have my back.
Appreciate the friends you have outside of your relationship. It may feel harmless to skip girls’ nights here and there, but it adds up. Eventually people stop extending the invite because they know it’s going to be a “no”, again. Take a peek over those rose covered glasses and embrace the full spectrum of people in your life.
Your relationship, your friendships, your family– these are the people walking through life with you. The people who want to support you. Balancing your time with them is challenging. We’re only one person being pulled in so many directions. It’s never going to be perfect; it’s going to change once you have kids (I can imagine); it’s harder when you have more responsibilities, but carving out time is important. Make time for the date nights, the girls’ nights, and dinner with your parents.
Balancing Productivity and Relaxation
This is the most difficult balance in my life. I feel like it’s a teeter-totter that’s always leaning heavily on the busy, productive end. I touched on this in last week’s post about feeling overwhelmed.
I know I’m not alone in feeling like I always need to be doing something. It’s hard for me to just sit on the couch and veg because I feel like I’m wasting precious time. Especially on the weekends. We have two full days; I can’t waste a single second.
When I was a kid, I’d always complain to my mom that she’d never sit still. If she was in front of the TV, she’d also be folding laundry or doing sit ups. I used to find this unfathomable. Well, they say you turn into your parents…
As with anything else, there’s a healthy balance between gettin’ stuff done and chillin’ out. It’s easy to discount the importance of relaxation because it just seems like being lazy. We actually need that, though!
I often forget about my need for rest until I go too far in being constantly “on” and busy. I wear myself out to a point where I’m sick or exhausted so my body forces me to slow down. I’m trying to flip the script now and prioritize time to for stillness.
Take it from a girl who needs this message the most: Let yourself veg out on the couch. Leave the dishes in the sink. Take a mid-day walk away from your desk. Catch your breath. It’s actually good for your brain to get a reset. As a result, you’ll be more creative and efficient. You’ll be happy you did it.
At the end of the day my goal is to be the truest version of myself. To be fully me and to encourage others to do the same. I get to be my wholest self when I’m listening to my needs and welcoming all spectrums into my life. I try to avoid narrowly identifying with one thing and denying anything that doesn’t fit into that mold. Being open-minded, flexible, and fluid is how I allow balance into my life.
How do you balance your life?
With love,
Alissa
