Alissa**At the end of this post, I’ve shared a story about the spirit of the holidays. Scroll down if you’d like to skip right to the story!
All over the Internet right now, you’ll find articles with titles like:
“5 Ways to Manage Holiday Stress” or “Creating Healthy Holiday Habits” or “How to Set Healthy Holiday Boundaries”.
Discussing mental health and wellness is becoming part of the fabric of our society. These types of articles can be wildly helpful, uplifting, and validating for those who need them. Mental health is finally having a moment and I am here for it.
For some people, the holidays are painful. A time of year that’s meant to be joyous feels difficult and depressing. Maybe it’s a reminder of who’s missing from the dinner table or how misunderstood they feel by their family. Maybe it brings to light how little they’re able to give; the shame they feel for barely affording groceries, much less an Xbox for their kids.
For others, the holidays bring to surface their issues with food. They feel guilty and anxious when they indulge in holiday treats. Instead of simply enjoying the mashed potatoes, they’re counting calories and calculating how many minutes they’ll need to run on the treadmill afterwards. Others are on specific diets for health reasons (this was once me) that make it challenging to take part in traditional celebrations.
And I’d say the majority of us feel the pressure of the holidays at some point. The pressure to buy the nicest, most thoughtful gifts without totally breaking the bank. The pressure to socialize, host, and be out of our routine for a week while still somehow maintaining our sanity. The pressure to make it to all 15 holiday parties with a smile and white elephant gift in hand.
Simply put, the holidays aren’t easy for everyone.
With that in mind, what can you do to brighten someone’s holiday? After all, the spirit of the season is to give. I don’t mean mailing your check to St. Jude’s, calling that your good deed of the year, and then yelling at someone on the freeway moments later. I mean really embodying the spirit of giving — giving your compassion, love, and patience to everyone you cross paths with. You never know who really needs it.
We often forget to do that. We’re in too much of a rush to smile at the old woman slowly pushing her cart in the grocery store. We pretend we don’t see the homeless man shivering in the cold. We get so caught up in our own lives that we shut out the world around us. We obsess over how we feel, what our problems are. I don’t have time to worry about anyone else, I’ve got enough going on.
A wise woman once said, “get outside of yourself” when you’re feeling anxious or wallowing in self-pity and that really stuck with me. Tony Robbins says, “When we’re focused on ourselves, we usually suffer.”
Expand Your Consciousness, Change Your Life
I scrolled through my podcasts the other day and came across a Tony Robbins’ episode about consciousness. I was intrigued. What is consciousness, really? To me it always sounded kind of out there. I’d never really grasped it. So, I hit play and allowed his beautiful message to pour into me.
Tony Robbins, bless his heart, explains it simply.
Consciousness is caring and awareness. Consciousness means we care about ourselves, others in our lives, others in the world, and even the world itself.
That’s pretty easy to understand, right?
Tony and his wife, Sage, explain that we feel more alive when we care about others. In fact, one of the greatest things about human beings is that we care about more than just ourselves. That’s why we’re alive. That’s how we’ve grown.
If I’m judging others or blaming someone, I miss that fuller, broader perspective of life. And when I bring awareness to the moment and stop my internal blaming or my external blaming; consciousness expands. It invokes more compassion, more connectivity, more intimacy with those around me.
Sage Robbins
Now, how can we become more conscious?
We become more conscious when we stop complaining about our problems, look at the world around us, and lend a helping hand to someone who’s got it worse than us.
We become more conscious when we choose to take a deep breath and send love to the person who cut us off on the freeway.
We become more conscious when a family member has different political views than us and we decide to choose love and patience over being “right”.
We become more conscious when we find gratitude in the busy mall and long lines because we know we’re blessed to afford the luxury of shopping.
When you’re living consciously, you’re aware of the blessings in your life. You’re grateful for all you’ve been given — the living room littered with wrapping paper, the loud family members, the sticky cinnamon roll fingerprints on your countertops. It’s beautiful, all of it.
When you aren’t worried about how messy your house is or how many calories you ate, you’re able to get outside of yourself and really see the world around you. But sometimes, despite it all, we have a hard time seeing the blessings in our lives. Maybe we’re still feeling the sting of a tough year and can’t seem to get out of a funk.
No matter what’s happening in your life, I can promise there’s one thing that will always make you feel better, more blessed, and ultimately more connected: giving back.
To help another human being is the greatest gift you can give.
I had been working on this post for a few days when my friend Katelyn shared a story on Facebook that touched my heart. Her act of kindness embodies the true spirit of the holidays and what it means to live consciously. I’ve shared her story below, recounted in her own words.
A Story About The Spirit Of The Holidays (Katelyn’s Story)
I have been taking the train to work for a couple months now. I’m on a very early train when it is still dark out. I usually am greeted by about 12-15 people who sleep nightly in the parking structure. They never come to the platform, really.
Today I sat waiting for my morning train and a man came and sat next to me a few seats over. Dirty, torn clothes. Wearing a pair of women’s boots and a bucket hat with plastic on it. He had a small handheld Igloo cooler. He opened it and began to go through his things, almost like he was counting them. A Chase card, a passport, a couple dollars, some letters, and some very random pieces of paper. He would close the cooler and reopen and count again.
After a few times of watching him do this I finally asked him, “Oh no, did you lose something?”
This man had the softest voice and replied by telling me that he counts his things to make sure he still has them. “When you don’t have much those things become more important.” He wants to make sure he has a card and a passport to take his wife on a grand trip one day.
I asked him, “Are your taking the train today to see your wife?” He said yes and I could see his big blue eyes tear up.
I let him be and watched him count and sort through some papers in his hands that he pulled out from another bag. I noticed they were from a hospital.
I went to go get him coffee. He was all bundled up and looked so cold. I told the cashier I was buying it for the gentlemen outside. She told me he likes two creams. He must be a regular, haha. She then said, “It is the saddest thing because he saves as much as he can to go visit his wife who is sick in San Diego.”
Why they are that far apart? I don’t know. Why isn’t he homeless in San Diego? But the two workers seemed to know him and the situation is probably complicated. The Amtrak worker behind me said he is here at least three times a week and is super gentle and sweet and talks about his wife any chance he has.
Out of nowhere I made a trip to the teller. I bought him two ten ride passes. I walked out with the coffee and the 20 rides. All I said was, ”Merry Christmas. Maybe these rides will help you see your wife as much as you can. I wish it could be tickets for a grand trip but I sure do hope this helps.”
The man said to me, ”Her grand trip might be to heaven before I could ever take her anywhere, but God bless you Katelyn.” Then he said, “Thank you so much,” so faintly. I could tell he didn’t know what to do .
I did not tell this man my name nor does it say it anywhere on my things or on any of the ride passes. I got on my train in tears.
Ok, God. I see you.
I did not have that money to spare, really. But damn, I have a lot of things so I didn’t think twice.
That felt better than anything I could have gotten wrapped up under a tree.
Go out and be kind. It feels good.
With love,
Alissa
