Staying Stuck is a Choice: If You’re Not Happy, What Can You Change?

The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want and if they can’t find them, make them.

George Bernard Shaw

The people who always post negative Facebook statuses and complain about ev-er-y-thing?

I have to unfriend them.

The ones who get upset over the slightest inconveniences? Gossip about everyone? Nothing is ever their fault?

I try to keep my distance.

Being a grump all day because you were cut off on the freeway or someone made your Egg McMuffin wrong signals to me a deeper issue. A happy person doesn’t get their feathers ruffled by a little mishap. The type of attitude you hold can make or break your day. But, I also understand how difficult it is to have a positive attitude when you’re not feeling happy. Because for a while, I was that negative person. The exact type of person I try to avoid.

Losing My Happiness to a Job

Negativity began to consume me while employed with my previous company. An environment that was once fun and lighthearted slowly transitioned into one that gave me major anxiety.

Once I started to feel unhappy in my career, it spread like a virus to the rest of my life.

I wasn’t sleeping well at night. I had nightmares about work that plagued me throughout the week. I was constantly sick to my stomach. I brought my bad mood home to Matt many nights. I ruined my Sundays because I was so nervous about going into work on Monday. I literally gave myself a bald spot due to stress. I was miserable.

My boss at the time was toxic for me. Any time he’d stop by my desk, I got a visceral reaction. Stomach fiery with anxiety. Frustration tightened my chest. Though I was on his “good side”, I couldn’t handle his managing style. I think he meant well, but our work was under a microscope. He was a control freak and couldn’t help but micromanage.

Being a sensitive person myself, I didn’t do well with such a high strung boss. I knew he’d be stressing about the next “fire drill” any minute and I had such a hard time not rolling my eyes every time he freaked out. Some people could handle it and let it roll off their back, no problem. “That’s just the way he is.” Well, that didn’t fly with me.

I tried, though. I really did. I thought maybe I was just “too sensitive” and needed to get over it. Maybe I could learn to deal with him like the rest of my team. I told myself I needed thicker skin and should just power through it. I did meditations and breathing exercises. I took CBD capsules. Nothing worked. I was expelling so much energy every day trying to force myself to feel okay, when at my core, I was unhappy and frustrated.

Why should I have to work somewhere that makes me feel so awful? Why should I just “suck it up”?

There was only one option. Leave. I had to get out before I deteriorated my health; my happiness; my relationships.

Quitting a job isn’t easy! I had a lot of pressure in my position and we were going into a busy season. Not to mention, I worked with my best friend and the most amazing team. Through the good and bad, my friends at work brought so much brightness to an otherwise dreary situation. We were always in it together. Even on the bad days, we found something to laugh about. Because of that, I felt a lot of guilt in leaving. I felt like I was letting them down.

What were my options, though? I was sick, tired, and unhappy. It was time to go. I updated my LinkedIn; I applied for jobs any chance I could get. I did phone interviews in my car. Things weren’t happening as quickly as I hoped (do they ever?) and I was feeling more and more trapped in this career.

The Turning Point to a New Beginning

One night, I came home feeling particularly defeated. There was a job I’d wanted with all of my heart at Too Faced Cosmetics. I’d spent an entire weekend perfecting my resume. I’d been in touch with the recruiter and had researched myself silly. I couldn’t stop talking about it to anyone who’d listen. And then, I didn’t get it. I thought for sure it was going to work out and it didn’t.

On this particular night, Matt was playing basketball so I was home alone with Katin. I remember sitting on the wood floor, crying while she rubbed her little head on me and meowed, comforting me in her own cat way. This moment stands out because it was a turning point. It was the moment I fully let go. Let go of control. Let go of how I thought this scenario needed to look. I knew I’d been putting in my best effort. I just had to trust that something would work out for me.

In a meeting at work the next day, my boss pulled out a calendar and gave us a bunch of “black out dates”– busy periods of time that he wanted us to avoid taking off. That was the last straw for me. We were coming up on Christmas and many of the black out dates were around that time. Screw. That. I had family coming into town that I only got to see once a year. I wasn’t letting this stupid job get in my way.

I drove home that night, filled with anger and disdain. I was officially over it. This job was making me sick and ruining my life. Back up job or not, I decided I needed to quit. I had enough in my savings to get me by for a few months without an income. I knew if need be, I could find an hourly position while I job hunted. It was a breaking point for me and I decided in that moment that I was going to quit.

So, I did it. I put in my two weeks notice. It was the best, scariest, and most freeing thing I’ve ever done.

Once I quit, it’s like I put a signal out to the universe that I was serious. I was ready to move on with my life. I reconnected with old colleagues who had connections at other companies. I landed job interviews during those final two weeks. Less than a month later, I had a new job at a dream company– Vans. Home of the good ol’ checkerboard slip on.

Seriously, I know this is cliche, but life is short. I know it’s not always easy to just up and quit your job if you’re unhappy. I know people have more responsibility than I do – kids relying on them; not many job options close by; nowhere else will pay you as well.

What can you change today that will make you happier? Can you change your attitude about a situation? The people you’re spending time with? The way you’re eating? How you’re spending your free time? Could someone watch your babies while you job hunt? For more ideas, check out Make Your World a Beautiful Place to Live or Find Your Baseline.

Living a life riddled with anxiety, unhappiness, and stress is not the way we were intended to spend our time here on this planet.

On that note, if you’re experiencing a deeper issue related to depression. Please seek help. Please don’t try to go at it alone..

We all have responsibilities. We all experience stress. Life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies. It’s not meant to be. Our most beautiful growth comes from the difficult times. But when it’s your last day on Earth, what do you hope you’ll be able to say about your life?

When I’m at a crossroads, I like to picture myself at 100 years old. I try to make decisions that I can look back at when I’m an old lady and say yep, I took my life into my own hands! I did the scary things. I tried new things. No regrets. I never settled.

With love,

Alissa